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What should I do when my child says “I’m bad”

When kids with ADHD get in trouble for their behavior, they may believe
they’re bad. Get expert advice on what to say and do when kids use negative self-talk.

By Kristin J. Carothers, PhD
for Understood.org

Q. My first grader with ADHD got in trouble for getting up too much
during circle time. Now she can’t stop saying “I’m bad. I’m a bad kid.”
What can I say to my daughter?

A. When kids get in trouble for their behavior, they may believe that the
behavior defines them as a person. In some situations, they may even think that their parents or teachers no longer love or care for them.

What to say
Tell your daughter that making a mistake doesn’t make her a bad person.
Talk about how parents and teachers use positive discipline to help all kids
learn from their mistakes so they can behave differently in the future.

For example, you can say, “You made a poor choice and the teacher gave
you a consequence to help you make a better choice the next time. I’m so
proud of you for wanting to make better choices. We love and care for you no matter what!”

Or if it seems like your child is embarrassed, you could say, “I know that you felt embarrassed when you got in trouble for your behavior at school.
Everyone makes mistakes, and we know how hard you’re trying.”

It’s also important to let kids know that you don’t expect them to be perfect.
They need to know that they’re worthy, important, and loved unconditionally.

Talk about strengths
Remember to talk with your child about her strengths while she works on her challenges. Kids look to adults for positive feedback that helps them feel good about themselves.

Finally, let your child know that being “good” doesn’t mean never getting in
trouble. It’s about being kind and trying your best to treat others the way they want to be treated.

Click here to request more information about ADD and my Video Chat #16 - ADD, Dyslexia, or both.

While dyslexia may be a lifelong condition, it does not need to hold
you back.

Thank You!
By Susan Barton

Susan Barton loves hearing stories about the impact Barton tutoring has had on students, as this Certified Barton Tutor shared:

Dear Susan,

I’ve been meaning to write to you for some time. I have been using the Barton Reading & Spelling System for many years and I have helped many students who struggle with dyslexia.

Because of your incredible program, I can proudly say that each one of my students has a success story. There is one story that has especially touched me, and I have permission to share it. I have tears in my eyes while writing this.

Please meet my former student, Amanda.

When I started tutoring Amanda using the Barton System, she was in fifth grade but reading at only a first-grade level. The school’s recommendation was special education. Thankfully, her parents heard about your amazing program and contacted me.

Amanda worked incredibly hard to complete all ten levels. She is now a freshman at Boise State University, where she continues to thrive academically. As you might imagine, Amanda’s parents could not be prouder.

I’ve always had such a deep love of reading and helping struggling students. This is my true calling, and I consider myself fortunate to have the opportunity to help many students like Amanda.

So here’s my heartfelt thank you for creating a remarkable program, and for your dedication to making a positive impact in the lives of people with dyslexia. Without your vision and support, I would not possess the knowledge to make such a difference in the lives of others.

Every child has a right to learn to read.

With much gratitude,

Kim Vandiver
Certified Barton Tutor at the Masters level
Pleasanton, CA

To listen to or share this story, click here.

Updated Edition Now Available!

How to Tutor Online E-book
By Janet Menosky Smith

The latest edition of How to Tutor Online is now available. This helpful e-
book is a practical guide for Barton Reading & Spelling System® Tutors who want to learn how to meet and teach students over the internet.

This easy to digest, information-packed guide covers everything from the
internet and computer requirements both you and your students need, to
setting policies and expectations, and most importantly, the meeting and
teaching tools you need to teach online.

This guide includes step-by-step tutorials, ready-made templates, and direct links to Barton-aligned games, making it a valuable resource that can save you countless hours.

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